Sunday, April 22, 2012

New London Mayoral Rally Script

New Londonners!

Campaign Promise #1

Petition to have SLT changed to GMT, which of course is useless in the summer during BST but what the hey.

Campaign Promise #2

You and I know we can't get rid of Harold.

We thought he'd stay in limbo with Rassilon, but they don't call him The Master for nothing. He's been a fixture in New London since before his escape from limbo and even fancies himself as a mayoral hopeful!

Can you imagine?

To his credit, he has a provocative presence if not a voracious appetite.

If I am elected Mayor of New London, I propose redirecting funds for healthcare into a steady supply of roast chicken - and beef roasts on Sundays - to Harold.  Some have called this a frivolous act, a waste of funding... but they've never seen how hungry Harold can get.

Trust me: if we don't do this, we WILL be a health crisis!  There's just so many noobs we get into New London and we need to keep some alive.

Which leads me to my next topic...

Campaign Promise #3

A wise alien once said that strangers are just friends you haven't made yet.  That being said, I want to say a word for the Tennoobs.

Yes you heard me.

These confused and disorientated souls should not be underestimated. They are the future of our society - at the very least a potential source of Sploder winnings.  They merely need direction in their lives.

If I am elected mayor, Tennoobs will be given free clothes and Sploder training.

Campaign Promise #4

We all know that there is only one Doctor, and he is the last of the Timelords.  So tell me: why are there dozens of "The Doctor" running around?

I say let's select which to keep, then send the rest on to Geoffrey for lab experiments. And surplus to Harold.

Campaign Promise #5

One of the rampant problems we face in New London are poor TARDIS operators. They land police boxes on robots, wolves, and little old ladies. Despite piloting a time machine they miss the concept "there is a time & place for everything" and materialise police boxes in offices, in doorways, on dancefloors in clubs, and so on...

If I am elected mayor, I will work closely with New London's R&D team to devise a means to redirect TARDIS materialisations from dodgy locales and bad moments.

Perhaps we could call it a "reTARDISiser"

What do you think?

Campaign Promise #6

Along those same lines, if I am elected Mayor of New London, I will arrange to have a forcefield in place during 7Seas Fishing over the Thames pier between 11am to noon SLT each and every Sunday!

There have been far too many fisher fatalities of late, and they've become a valuable source of income for the city!

Campaign Promise #7

If I am elected Mayor of New London, renters will never be short of their own prim allowances!

New London R&D are ready - on my word - to install a Spatial Inhibitor so that any plywood prims rezzed in public areas by those other than staff or renters - are instantly returned.

Campaign Promise #8

A guy posing stand in the photo studio.

I don't know about you, but not even my avatar body can move the way Kat does!

Campaign Promise #9

If I am elected Mayor of New London, FREE bacon sandwiches and tea will be served during my events.

This of course a vain and gratuitous request as that is teatime where I live.  However I'm sure you will agree that anytime is a good time for bacon and tea!  For those who do not eat bacon, there will be smoked salmon sammies.

Campaign Promise #10

I cannot think of a tenth campaign proposal.  I'm sure one will come to me at come point, and no doubt it will involve cheerleaders...

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