Monday, July 30, 2012

Neurotic over Neurology

Not looking forward to an EMG, but less thrilled that a consultation is required first. The test is by request of my hand specialist. 

This year I'm having probs with my right hand, the drawing & typing hand.  In fact I'm breaking frequently while typing this during my commute to shake away the numbness.  This morning when I awoke I couldn't hold an iPod in my hand.

I just looked up & someone across from me is fingering thru their newspaper with - no lie - curved orange 4" nails.  Anyway I digress...

Throughout the years on occasion - like when playing Bejeweled for too long - my hand would start to tingle.  I'd shake it off like I'm doing for this session and it would wake back up.  Except a couple of months ago it happened from more things and whenever I went to bed.  Well that was no good! A pricey brace thing from Walgreens has comfortably kept my wrist in a good position and now I seldom get this anymore when I sleep. 

An appointment with a neurologist was pushed back over working on the RFL campsite w/discomfort now kept to a minimum thanks to the brace thingie.

Well well... Ever since relay weekend I have more trouble.  Seems holding down keys for long periods aggravated the area, which already had a mild tendonitis developing and chronic arthritis.  Now that's a strong tendonitis in addition to arthritis and alleged carpal tunnel.

I'm due for that neurology consultation today. Wish it were the damn test. 

I understand why they have to do it. There's another story to go with this story:

~ ~ ~ ~

About 11 years ago I developed shooting pain through my two outer fingers on the right hand. I was sent to a neurologist for the EMG and nobody would tell me what the test was like. "I can't explain it," they'd say.  Well the neurologist who looked at me first pressed down on my forearm. "OW!" He knew exactly why I had the shooting pain in my fingers... but we took the EMG anyway. 

Basically an EMG tests the bioelectrical impulses in your arm by jabbing you with a needle while you hold onto an metal bar and listen to the sound. They also clip something on your finger and run current to see if your fingers twitch. Kinda like putting your hands into a socket on a mild level, and making your fingers twitch like frogs legs in biology class.  A bit disconcerting.

In the end of course the source of the tendonitis was my changing to a trackball from a mouse, so switching back solved everything.

I had a friend at the same time with shooting pains in her arm, and she too had an EMG. But the cause took an MRI to locate: a tumor in the neck. It was benign but that's relative.  Long, terrible operations and the pain became tingles, but being in ICU for 2 weeks required her to re-learn to walk. She wasn't very keen on the work required, because a bigger problem had arisen from the procedures... breathing. Pneumonia.. and what I eventually learned was a damaged diaphragm (did she cough while lying prone at any time?).  Not half a year later she was gone.

~ ~ ~ ~

They want to rule out a tumor or similar.

It haunts me that this problem I have could be anything other than local (I doubt that it could really). Also I've been spoiled by being awake for my other hand procedures. I don't do well with anesthesia.  I had ether once as a teen when having teeth pulled and heard everything in a strange distorted way which gave me nightmares for years. My autoimmune problems bring into question whether I'd get a reaction to the heavy stuff and never wake up. Or my chronic respiratory annoyances bring on pneumonia for lying unconscious for too long etc... I don't like any of this. It's no longer a question of just getting treated when there's something needing a fix - something else can happen now.

So that's where I am: an artist slowly losing the use of my right hand and unable to hold a bottle of juice in the morning, open a can of soda at work without difficulty, or use nail clippers whenever.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Delusion Conclusion Driven by Hatred

I don't usually single people out by name. Even the Scourgemobile Queen has had her name seldom brought up since she has not formed a public forum or published herself (or himself), but there's one who's made his mind up about things in a very OCD way and he continues to hurt good people, and that just makes me angry. It's time we re-visited Victor to see what he's been up to...

Thought I saw a better Victor emerge during Relay season, when this past weekend he kicked a Doctor Who fan from one of his groups under some claim that the poor resident may have been personally acquainted w/New London's owner, Kat Kassner.  Maybe he saw their group in their profile? Maybe he missed his meds?  Maybe he was nice for too long a stretch and had to make like some creep who ties their dog carrier on top of their car before taking the freeway at 75mph. It's anyone's guess how he came to such a conclusion but the notion had no real foundation. I understood this confused the resident - he did this to a Doctor Who fan without considering how he makes the Doctor Who community or Second Life in general look by this action. 

Many people were watching and logging the exchange.  Anything one says outside private messaging is prone to scrutiny (or in Victor's case: prone to elaborate embellishment to accommodate a twisted view & win favor over the blessedly ingnorant).  Rumors have arisen that he kick-bans people from his sim investments and groups when anyone corrects him and defends NLV management - remember he's been sitting on libelous claims for going on a year and a half. He estate banned me from Katrina last year unilaterally and another owner had to remove the ban so I could party w/Hands of Omega and shop at their mall. Katrina has since gone. Although their primary attractions have changed, New London remains the oldest presence to accommodate Doctor Who fans. Common sense dictates that something around over 4 years doesn't get that way by sucking. Victor will never be god's gift to Doctor Who fandom - no individual could - but at least New London doesn't pretend to be, yet still they're the best place for it.

The truth is New London is run by good people who work on their sim full-time to keep it interesting and make Second Life residents both new and old feel welcome.  They only think of Victor when someone brings him up in a group convo. These don't last long, as mudslinging rival products or communities is not welcome and aggressively discouraged in their groups. Would be nice to see others of the TARDIS and Doctor Who communities in Second Life follow suit, but there's a lot of unfounded yammer (much of it aping Victor's blog posts) about New London in various Who & TARDIS groups. Whatever disagreement Victor has with Kat is none of anyone else's issue, except that he makes it so and continues to drive this position forward with continued slander, defamation, and guilt by association ruckus.

Regarding the latter, I related that he had allegedly made some rant over a blog post of mine last year.  I had objected (in the blog post. It needs to be said I had never acted out of turn on the grid) to inappropriate discussion in New Babbage group chats without naming names - this just weeks after a meeting over how they could attract and retain new citizens to ensure their longevity.  I'll always maintain that if you want to avoid alienating people attracted to Victorian fantasy, don't talk openly about chasing after someone and using sexual innuendo, especially if their rump is that of a goat; not everybody's into forbidden fetish and what you do is your business.  Get a freakin' room.  The Victorians did and said they didn't - that was the POINT of their repressed culture and why it attracts a subculture. NB like many Steampunk communities sits on a Victorian foundation.  I've been told "we're not like that" with regard to their reputation for strictness, but their theme's flexibility remains a whim reserved for moderators and admins. The issue was on only a few who behaved inappropriately and not necessarily their subject Victor.  From what I understand Victor's rant painted me as some sort of furry-hater, which is a bit laughable - unless you either live under a rock and don't know me and my love of diversity (responsible & considerate nevertheless), or are dependent on Victor in some way and can't laugh it off.  And let's face it: many hardcore RPers live under a rock by choice and only know what they see in an estate or what they're told by people of position. That's not a bad thing if everything performed is by the rules and part of the role. So many NB locales - not just Victor's and those of the instigators but those of total strangers - wore banlines as a result of that one comment.  By the way, in a true gesture of hipocracy, Victor has not once shown his persona's actual form on web TV's Designing Worlds; he always represents New Babbage and his sector of Doctor Who fandom on their show as a full biped human. He appears to be publicly ashamed of his hybrid form.

The concept of customer or follower retention is truly lost on him.  Does he really think his droning inflection is going to keep opened doors open (I know - it's almost hard to believe I said it, but the fact is some Americans have an irresistible fascination over foreign accents. Remember that Fran Drescher based a hit sitcom around the phenomenon), or that respect is secured by accumilating an army of dependents?  It doesn't take much looking to see he's left a trail of burned bridges behind him.

There's one thing for sure: charities may be grateful for the money, but philanthropy does not redeem a dark soul.  Never has and never will.  If anyone believes they can go around manipulating, hurting, ruining and slandering people, then make up for it all by helping the oblivious, they're a sad & sorry lot and destined for some major karma.

As much as someone like that feels they're better, more popular or powerful, or more well off than anyone else, I truly pity them. Victor could be what the unsuspecting think of him and truly great, but he has built himself into a shallow and low individual on one side with another side configured with those who only know charitable gestures or DJing.  I'd rather like him and admire him, but much of his behavior disgusts me and it's just a shame so many people listen to his drivel and think badly of better people without knowing the truth about anything.

Unlike Victor, I'm prone to faults like a real human being, and I take responsibility for my actions and own up to them instead of build a tower of lies to feel better about myself. Also unlike him, I genuinely mean well when I do a good deed or help somebody and nothing I do on that scale has an ulterior motive, be it to win favor, gather up followers, or prove I'm better than anyone else. Well, except in cartooning, which I'm great at (and which is now on hold since I have probs w/my hand). Drama makes anybody wallowing in it ugly. Eventually people you've won over who see your true nature either drop you from consideration or reluctantly work with you because they're stuck until there's an opportunity to sever ties.  I wouldn't want friends or allies on that basis.  Or maybe they're afraid he'll blog bullshit and halftruths about them like he has about me, Archangel, New London, and lord only knows who else.   I'd never want to be someone like Victor.

The sad thing is, there are Victors in every society.  This should be a lesson to anybody how not to get around in this world, a role model of how not to do things.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Back to speed & an Art Show in Bay City for RFL

With Relay season over it's time to catch up on other things - like vanity.  I got a HUD-activated stand and a set of poses so that next time I want to make a profile pic or promo shot, I can do it anywhere I can rez.  Sorry publicly available photo studios but your fuck-me chick poses and unnatural noob positions just don't suit me. (fancy that)

I'm not done with Relay For Life though, not until those kiosks and vendors self-destruct in a week or two.

I'll have a dance party this Friday night from 7:30pm SLT at Cartoon World Gallery's Artspace level in Bay City, where I'll debut an exhibit of my SL9B art - you know: the ones on the ground nobody looked at. 

Yes, 'fraid so.

There were, yes.

Alt-click then mousewheel.

Well, now you know.

Don't worry about it. They'll be on the windows and big enough to see with default view.

Please tip the RFL kiosk if you like what I play :)

Anyway, let's see if anyone shows.  After last year I'm extremely dubious. There are other factors which make me dubious as well.

In the meantime, DJing and Toontown are my focus these evenings. I feel a need to bash grey robotic humanoids obsessed with power.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Some thoughts following RFL season

First time in over a week I'm in iPod Notes.  My last draft was the script for a time travel ride that was never completed.  I heard there were several time travel rides, and one billboard shouting wikipedia milestones in green text.

Just as they had back in March, they got our team name wrong at the closing ceremonies.  Big or small, each team and each participant has experienced struggle and loss, some triumph.  The least the management can do is read off a couple of elementary words correctly.

There was a decision two days before relay to trash the ride and go for one era of the ride, an essential moment in cancer's history along humankind's timeline. 

It's not easy to be a captain.  You have to spend time receiving info then share it with the team. Since joining our group was optional, this meant a couple of groups plus individuals were contacted.  I gave them decisions regarding RFL participation.  For example, I would not have signed up for the Mayday Medievel or Back To The Fifties weekends myself, but for them I did.  I came out of it for the better thanks to them.  But when all is said and done it's all very rewarding.

In the end we made OUR idea for a campsite.  I was called a control freak for a group decision to make something else; it's likely that person has no regrets of the outcome. If anything I went out of my way to give people options and allow them to express themselves more than others might. Except I wanted my crab to be used. :P

For the most part the campsite builders - and others for whom RL got in the way - are looking forward to next year and what we can do better after our experience this first time around.  Also having all worked together on a build, some for the first time working with others, it should run smoother. We think.

Some of the team. More pics pending on Flickr this weekend
They gave me a gift of a frame with images they took and a pocketwatch! They're so sweet. We've all gotten to know eachother through this and become great friends. A definite plus!

I'm not looking to be the biggest or the best in RFL, just the best I can be and as big as it takes to serve a purpose. I set a lofty goal of US$1000 and with the help of an RL page for credit cards and a generous populace in SL, we passed $1200.

But please, after all any of us do for this cause and for all anyone has endured first hand or otherwise of this disease, please don't mess around with names.  Your effort to say each one correctly reflects your true sentiments and appreciation.

Thank you.