Thursday, July 11, 2013

What Just Happened?

After an unprecedented 8 hour sleep to mark the start of my week off from work, a backache ensued the likes of which I haven't had the privilege of tolerating without painkillers. It was so long ago since anything like that occurred that I could still take something for a muscle spasm.

The night before was confusing. As I worked on things for the campsite, many people were around me and just stared in quiet judgement. Only one person typed in full conversations. After about 3-4 hours someone hugged me. As it turned out they were in voice, talking to me without bothering to talk to me. I haven't had that happen in some time: that time in 2011 on Katrina sim, and before at TMA, which I stopped hanging out at when some people simply stopped talking to anyone who didn't use voice (apparently we didn't count in a conversation).  That's when I started to use the term "voice snobs."  There was someone who hired me a few times to DJ and it got to a point when, during a group meet for a project or fundraiser (I don't recall which; it was over a year ago), she asked in her only typed line if someone had voice. I've always felt she stopped having me play at her parties because I don't use voice.  And of course I was removed from RFL Kickoff Day lineup because it was all going to radio and a full on mixer was required.  It still remains to be seen if an invitation to play tunes at a beach party was conveniently forgotten because I don't interrupt songs with "thankyouverymuch".

I've said time and again to friends that if group limits weren't an issue I'd start "DJs without Voices" in an effort to fight against discrimination. We get tipped the least. People don't read text. There could be privacy reasons of any number of scenarios, medical, role play (I've heard voices coming from avatars which should at least attempt to squeaken up a little to not ruin the illusion), and of course technical. It's a shame because some of my favorite DJs JUST play and their typing a comment does not interfere with the music. It's just an ideal match.  That and personally that's when I finally am sitting long enough to eat a meal.

Privacy: the identity thing is bullshit. It's not for their protection but ours. For them I have a story: I saw an online community started in an effort to rival Cybertown back in 2005 where the owner ONLY had people in managerial positions if they spoke with you on the phone. For those willing to do that it was instant admin tools - and utter disaster for the site, which shut down as quickly as it sprouted up. You can't trust anyone on voice any more you can in text; conning didn't begin with the Internet.

Technical has become a class distinction which elitists basically feel to heck with you if you prefer to experience Second Life without crashing every other minute because we're expected to at least activate voice. That's when lag happens, and worse than atmospheric shaders. And for what, destroying an illusion? Hearing someone eating? Another's mouth moving to a baby crying in the background?  You pay for the gamers computer and you'll have a say.

In the meantime, if you're my friend: don't snub me because you're in voice. Talk to me. You know how. I can't imagine anyone not worth typing a little here and there to, or having a full conversation with - if they're worth being called a friend they're worth some verbal interaction.

This all runs parallel to my character's persona of having struggled from being regarded as an automaton confined to a room for years, then gradually gaining privileges and a means to function with a portable device, being accepted as a member of a starship crew, having that crew accompany him to court to prove sentience and win him equal rights under the law...

And then the confinement thing. That we went over last year about how no one should ever needle me to partcipate in Jail n Bail.  Someone I was getting up the nerve to ask for friendship confined me for a joke, and it wasn't very funny at all. Actually the confinement sported a texture of slurs.  I guess I've been sad for a few days; this started it. 

I should be happy and thrilled for Relay Weekend but things keep happening that make me sad. I thought about this as I lit luminaria beside an artist friend's installation because a handful of people selfishly lit all of them along the team's campsite and into the next. I always must remind myself that I need to focus on the bigger picture.

Add to this the fact that Firestorm - after about a thousand tweaks (clearly their vintage skin and hybrid mode settings aren't enough) functions with just one issue (where a filtered search in inventory does not remain at the top but scrolls down chaotically through a jillion opening folders), only to find it's a memory hog and bogs me down after a fairly short time. This time not just in SL but the entire Windows session is labored.  Relay Weekend won't be easy.

I'm going to try to sleep some more.